Autobiography of A Nobody

(25 Pages)
Adventure is an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks, the encountering of risks, or an exciting or remarkable experience. I would say I had an abundance of faith without knowing what I had, unaware of the dangers inviting fatal consequences. Blind faith, if it exist I had it as a teacher to reveal to me the seven steps to failure and the seven steps to success.

Sometimes to do nothing unfamiliar is a prison locking our potential into a living room of degeneration. Doing something, anything, moves new territory under our feet granting us wisdom to know what comprises failure contrasting the gratification of success. Not everyone has star qualities of an NFL quarterback but doing nothing after that realization gives us one “sack for a loss” after another. Failure leaves pain and bruises. Adventurous as I was in my thin and timid body I arrived at my high school football practice at the beckoning of my friends, those playing first string football. Amusement seems to be a good word describing the bewilderment of the star players who seemed to know I had nothing to offer the team. After a couple “two-a-day” practices I agreed by resigning from my efforts to play structured football. Encouragement came from my friend’s promise that if I stay there would be a place for me on the safety team. Seemed disparaging so I stood my ground to resign. My spirit continued to seek new territory where I could star in the gratification of my own esteem. I would see my friends every Sunday afternoon at the field by the drive-in movie arena to play tackle football. Success for me came by the gratification of friends who didn’t judge based on how well I could defend them or by my ability to make great offensive plays. We were a team sharing a kindred spirit. Thedesire to succeed in the limits of our own ability, with freedom from the disparagement of not powering up to the expectations of officials.

Playing sports on weekends became redundant as the thrill of newterritory was lost plus not having any benefits to fuel my need for excitement. Thefootball field became another prison leading nowhere. Failure begin to define my feelings realizing others crossed the goal line of success effortlessly while I was thrown for another loss. Success was not waiting for me on that football field with those friends, said my ego. I needed to gain ground to put new territory under my feet. Girls, drugs, and rock-n-roll moved me from the deadend of the football field to a new life complete with employment opportunities. Best yet, law enforcement seemed to approve of the new territory I made home. Remembering my first experience with the “copper,” marijuana smoke rolled from my car window, roaches in the ash tray as the officer request I step from the automobile. He informed me of his suspicion that my race car engine is not street legal, asking me to pop the hood. Everything appeared in order, except for the racing mufflers as he advised me to quiet the engine with new mufflers. He left, not even issuing a ticket. Exhilarating with a right amount of risk made this new territory a “God send.” I even had the assistant manager at work to smoke with, job security at it’s finest. Success was here within my self-esteem, for at least three years anyway. Lurking in the unseen shadow was the ominous promise of bodily destruction, violence, anti-social lifestyle, an indifference to God, and no desire to self-actualize constructively. Failure is the life chosen in the new territory that felt so right. Intentions to seek new territory never existed because with every new party there were new friends plus new exciting experiences to keep me interested. The lifestyle was my addiction of which an unwanted intervention moved me involuntarily into new territory. An early morning wake up call in a figure of speaking. Coppers really do make arrests! Seems as though I made a life of escaping deadend prisons by moving into new territory seeking success. Now, when it seemed I found my success, I would be heading to a real deadend prison with no possibility of new territory. Failure hit me hard, crushing my ego while shattering the blind faith I held for the lifestyle I chose. The thought of prison was overbearing as reform began to transpire in me. I could not be confined to a prison, I had to find new territory. Clear signs were needed to symbolize my transformation to allow me to move into a new field. I chose the cross of the Christian faith. Sincerity permeated my spirit because I would do anything to avoid being confined. Judgment on my behalf consisted of probation with community service. Strangely, failure continued to shadow me in my new direction in search for newterritory. Even more strangely, wisdom began to intervene to show me the seven ways of success.

Creativity mixes well with an adventurous spirit while reading the Bible, or so I thought. Parables fasicinated me because I would be able to interpret each one to enhance the new territory transpiring within. I figured Jesus was always frustrated at people’s inability to understand on their own, so I was definitely on the path to success. Except no one gave acknowledgment to my revelations, even seemed discouraged at my new learning. Failing again even at my own transformation. Surprisingly, success peered at me again as a minister at a local church invited me to an indoctrination course for enrollment as a member. Membership was a new enticing territory, the only requirement was to survive the teaching. Failure was knocking on the door. One day the minster was explaining the eating of the fruit of knowledge, I came near to telling him he had been devouring the fruit of my knowledge since the first day of class. Holding my peace, I knewall the right answers to become a member. The discovery of success was good. In the wisdom of the minister, he made arrangements to send me to seminary school. He taught me well not to devour the fruit of knowledge. New territory here I come!

Seminary school! Here I was entering the door to stand in the hall of my new transformation. Introducing myself to a fellow male student he said “8.” “Uhhhn?” was my reaction. He was rating the girl students as they walk by. Thinking of my previous lifestyle, rating the attractiveness of seminary girls seemed out of place. Playing along was the right thing to do. “7” oozed from my tongue into the ears of my future wife. She turned and wryly smiled asking in a playfully challenging tone, “7?” Surprised that she reacted from her awareness the number was an attractiveness rating, quickly, I corrected the rating to a nine. Coyly with a gentle demand she asked, “Aren’t you going to help me with my bags?” Seminary school was beginning to look like the place for me. My spirit was willing right along with the pursuits of fleshly delights. Success was sure to be with me, but from the new territory within something felt like failure. Was it the pursuit of my wife or the way I conveyed my understanding of the Bible? Remembering my first public speaking gig as a seminary student, I expected positive reinforcement that would never come. Did I fail? I felt successful. My assignment was to speak at a youth gathering the night before Halloween. Trick or treat kept racing through my thoughts and emotions. Developing a talk based on something Jesus said would be a good idea, I thought. My message centered around the idea that if a person asks for bread do you give a stone instead? The perfect trick-or-treat talk for a minister of God’s word to give to a congregation of trick or treaters. Why did the other seminary students along with the teachers seem not to be amused? The ominous feeling of failure appeared but I also felt independently successful. Perhaps everyone else expected me to preach on the evils of the dark night of Halloween. It wasn’t going to happen! Maybe my success would come in other areas. Money collection efforts for the school is something my fiancee and I did together. Our collection efforts translated into below standards for the administration but a time of success for me. My fiancee and I were dropped into the zone determined by school officials to be our solicitation area. From door to door we went until a pack of five angry dogs encircled my future wife, snarling, barking, and growling. What would I do? Feeling no fear, with an abundance of that faith that always carried me into new territory, I confronted the dogs. Easing my way into the circle of angry dogs, to stand side to side with my fiancee, the dogs now focused on me. She was able to ease her way to the other side of the street. Miraclously, the dogs disbanned having no interest in me. Feelings of success were abundant because now I demonstrated the spirit of the Savior. Surely everyone at the school would cheer my heroic display of compassion. Nope. All they talked about was the huge amount of money collected, leading to the question “How much money did you and your fiancee collect?” Telling wild salvation stories was just another failure in comparison to their financial success. Major failure was soon to come, but this time I would receive a prize. The Principal of the school wanted to see me! “Did you consemate your marriage?” Inwardly, I’m feeling surprised at the lack of positive reinforcement for my salvation spirit and creative sermons. He asks the question in another way, “Did you have premarital sexual intercourse?” Lying is something I could not do, “Yes,” I said. He gave me until that night to pack my bags to leave. Amidst this failure I felt successful from the inner life that would become my eternal new territory. Plus, I had the prize of my fiancee to accompany me through the doors of the seminary.

Marriage is something happening to people living on a different planet, or at least a different neighborhood than myself. But it was happening to me! New territory outwardly was just as welcomed as the optimism of the newterritory inwardly. Of the couple hundred attending the wedding I knew a handful, which spoke to me of new opportunities, but omniously felt uncomfortable. Sarcastically, I’m thinking maybe we should of chose the rose garden in the park for our wedding instead of the Church. But we didn’t, there was no rose garden, the chapel was our choice. Our son was soon to be born, but too soon. Weighing in at four pounds at delievery in the sixth month of pregnancy. Failure, how could it be?! I’m now a father with a wife plus a gift of all the in-laws. I’m a success, was the reassurance coming from the new territory of my inner life. After the babe was brought home, the wires of the heart monitor restricted movements. My wife and I were up many times in the early morning hours to answer the, beep, beep, beep, of the monitor. The babe had to live, I couldn’t fail in this, but being wakened every two hours with the threat of death was unbearable. We made phone calls producing the discovery that the heart monitor device was defective. Successful in a big way! Failure had nothing to do with the new territory operating in me. My son was O.K. and would survive to graduate from a Christian college. I will always feel I failed him because I only knew him for the first couple of years of his life. Shadowing over me was the despair of not knowing how I would support my family. Employment opportunities were dead-ends, everywhere except for the places I dreaded to be. Factories, surrounded by illegal drug use by people with synicism towards the “clean” attitude coming in what I said and done. Frustration began to build in me. I’m a new person with new friends with a family, but circumstances seem to oppose my new territory. Failure wasn’t an option, but it insidiously crept into my life. I would soon learn more ways to failure to enlighten me to new ways to success. How could I support my family if employment opportunities were not compatible to my new socially responsible lifestyle? Mentally and emotionally my disillusionment took its toll on family cohesion as well as my own welfare. Lacking the ability to secure job stability left me angry inside, plus I gained 40 pounds during the period of my marriage. While adhering to the transformation of my newlife, I never secured a relationship with the presence of the work of God in me. Refusing to revert back to my old ways, negativity plaqued me. I would hold on to the success of my transformation regardless of the hurt done to me or to others. Bringing ruin to my marriage, I left to discover territory compatible to my inner identity. My wife and I agreed to a legal separation.

Duty with the world renowned 82nd Airborne Division became my new territory. Army recruiters promised me a military occupation as a Medical Specialist by signing on for paratrooper training. They kept their promise. Wasn’t exactly what the new territory within me was begging for, but it did provide esteem to be numbered among the world’s heroes. Jumping through the door of an airplane was easy for me to do successfully, drawing from the abundance of blind faith I’ve always had. But the uncertainty of the landing highlighted the possibility of failure. Could I survive?! The plush green field seen in the calm sunny sky catered to the landing of soon-to-be paratroopers, but that too would pass.

Before my tour with a combat task force at Ft. Bragg, I was heading to a tour of duty in Korea where once again I would demonstrate the spirit of salvation I possessed. Or should I say, I showed I could accomplish impossible tasks undaunted by opposition. Realization of my potential success among the world’s finest fighting forces came as I read a quote, “The difficult we can do, the impossible takes a little longer.” After successfully accomplishing one of several missions, I knew the power of the elite intelligence that came with the truth of that quote. Interestingly, in my new transformation I was glad I enrolled in the GI educational benefits. Success would be in my future, I reasoned. But, what was the mission driving me deeper into the success of my transformation, while simultaneously driving me toward the prospect of civilian education? It began with meeting the Sargent down at the motor pool. He advised me to deliver the commissaries that were loaded on back of the two and a half ton truck, then specified the route he expected me to drive. No deviations. This would be a simple deed successfully completed on behalf of my unit, so I thought. What would I need a three foot axe handle for, is what I astonishingly felt as the Sargent seriously looked me in the eye while placing it behind the passenger seat. “Don’t be late!,” was his order. Severe failure was looming if the celebration of dynamic success was not met. I knewmy destination while completely unaware of the danger ahead. Angry Korean protesters wanted the U.S. military out of their country, and I was about to deflate the momentum of their purpose. After a couple miles driving, my deuce and a half jolts from the impact of the taxi cab driver that rams me once, then again. I don’t have time for this, failure is not an option, but I have to see what the taxi driver plans to do about the creased dent in his car. Thetruck was fine. Opening my truck door, I peered at the man who hit me who ignored me as he stared straight ahead with both hands grasping tightly at the steering wheel. Looking around, the guard in the guard shack looked the other way as the other drivers stared ahead not making a move. Strange!?! But I still had plenty of time to successfully complete the mission. Driving forward another half mile I almost panicked, glanced at the axe handle, then drove forward at an appropriate speed. Not too fast as to run anybody over, but not so slow as to invite a mob attack. Fiery anger in the eyes of the Korean protesters were looking at me, lining both sides of the roadway by the hundreds as the object of their aggression crossed their picket line. Theywere known for bold violence against military bases as well as soldiers. Failure would of meant possible death from mob brutality leading to an international incident. Within the new territory of my inner life I celebrated with extreme joy the success of delivering the goods on time. Celebration of joy encompassed my fellow soldiers as I was seen driving the deuce and a half through the gates of our camp. Soon, I would be reading my transfer orders.

Fayetteville, NC, nothing spectacular about that except the place they call Ft. Bragg. Home of the world renowned 82nd Airborne Division. Another huge success. Anyone completing paratrooper school has only one respectable home, I was there. Comparing to my desire to capitalize on the GI educational benefits, the grim reaper reminded me of failure. My unit was a combat task force! Failure meant death, success meant the possibility of another combat situation. The soldier who once lived in the adjoining barracks reminded us all of the grim reality. Snipers with bullets that pierce helmets want us dead. Blind faith carried me forward deeply engraving into me the ways of failure along with the ways of success. Three combat jumps came within about a one year span for the brigade, unit, bunk mates of my detachment. Curiously, each one dealt a knock out punch to my old ways. The fight in Haiti was against corrupt powers, in Panama the fight was against drug trafficking, in Saudi Arabia the fight was against tyranny. The new territory of my transformation received dead serious positive reinforcement. Never again would I revert to my old ways because the ways of failure were clearly visible now. Death and destruction are undesirable. Forever would I challenge the dark side because the ways of success shone brightly in that fight. Life and constructive action became my sole desire. Oddly, I felt the divorce from my wife was more of a success than failure. And came easily while serving with the 82nd Airborne Division, four years after the legal separation. During my jumps I never sawthe light of day, often exiting the door from C140jet planes, other times exiting from a C130 propellar plane. But always in the pitch black of night under the cover of clouds where not even the twinkle of a star would shine. Asuccessful jump is any that is walked away from, some failed. On one particular jump, the dark sky filled with snowflakes blowing back and forth from the near miss wind of the jet plane. The August snowflakes were thousands of paratroopers dropped 800 feet above the farm field below. Some landed on each other, some landed on the field, one I know fell on a tractor. I didn’t knowwhat I landed on or even if I landed at all. Perhaps my chute collapsed putting me on top of someone’s parachute. But I was alive for now! I patted the area around me, patted myself from head to toe to verify my ability to continue on. The earth was beneath me. Once again, I successfully survived another night jump, even the same as I successfully grounded the transformation of my inner life. That would be the last jump I would ever make as time was calling me back into civilian life. My focus now would be to make good on my GI educational benefits. I served honorably with the world renowned 82nd Airborne Division.

Now, the seven ways of failure plus the seven ways of success were written on the pages within me. Soon they would flow through my conscious behavior in my speaking and doing, but not yet. First, there was a college degree to earn followed by dumb luck employment-wise. Searching through my thoughts I began to choose a course of study to match my feelings. I was ready to succeed, but, it wouldnt be in the field of study I desired. Theschool had no curriculum in medical related studies. No nursing program, no nursing assistants course, but there was an abundance of security and law enforcement programs. No thanks, it wasn’t a match to the newterritory I felt in me. Another fail, even though I would succeed in obtaining a Business Management degree. Obtaining money from the GI educational fund was simple enough, so I began to enter the territory of learning to manage a business. Successes came one right after another, so did the money from Uncle Sam. Every quarter my name appeared in the local newspaper among the honored students of the Dean’s list. The 3.8graduating GPA was definitely a step to success, or should have been. Meanwhile, I enrolled in a local honor fraternity and a business club for students in free enterprise. Money continued to be sent on time, but the rising tuition cost made the GI benefits insufficient. Failure was again shadowing me with just a quarter or two remaining until graduating with honors, but without funds to continue. Frustrated for sure, but far from giving up on the desires rooted in my transformation. The government would issue more money to me through a civilian grant. Joy filled my inner life at the receiving of my degree in Business Management. Success felt good even though the degree was a fruit of failing to obtain an education in the area of health sciences. Inwardly, I was succeeding even though externally the climate was dismal. The college received their money, the government kept giving, I had my honors and degree, but employment opportunities were non-exist

Having a college degree in Business Management, it wasn’t in me to settle for lesser employment. Par for the course, jobs that I considered demeaning were the only ones offered. Why should I wash dishes or bag customer groceries when I had knowledge and the ability to manage those same people?! Frustration, along with anger, came from what I felt was the rude disparagement of external sources refusing to see me as management material. Internally, I was clinging to the hope of something better than what was being imposed by those who were blind to the potential locked inside. My transformation was real so I insisted on recognition of that new territory. It never came. My aim was to succeed at work, which I thought meant ultimately sitting in a seat of influence. That thinking and those feelings were misguided. My mental plus emotional health was called into question because of my lack of conformity to the naysayers. Time and time again I would hear how medication would correct my inner life to help me adjust. What!? Those naysayers obviously were not giving much worth to the abundance of faith with social responsibility that comprised my character. The employment battle would continue right along with striving to keep the new transformation alive. Humility, some say it’s a friend but it hit me like a steel fist. If I wanted to continue with a socially constructive attitude I had to be willing to sacrifice my desire to manage others. Failure in the employment arena brought awareness to another way of success. I would accept a job as a bus boy. Success felt as good as a hug from a Sumo wrestler. For two years, I cleaned tables at a local restaurant until a desirable opportunity came within the
context of my new humility.

Assisting mentally and physically disabled individuals fit nicely into the niche of the transformation transpiring in my life. With my faith plus social responsibility that equals constructive action. All I had to do was give up my desire to manage anybody or anything, other than the disabled. Provisions of dignity with compassion was given, inducing the manisfestation of the salvation spirit. Going into my sixth year with the company, I thought my employment concerns were solved. Not so! Working 40 hours or more per week at $11.00 an hour came with my expressed desire to save money for a Harley Davidson motorcycle. That was met with approval accompanying positive reinforcement. Afterall, the Human Resource Director at Headquarters rode a Harley and took kind notice of me. We made cordial conversation centering around the benefits of the Harley family. Feelings of success permeated the way I thought, felt, and behaved. Little did I know of the sudden failure to come. Meanwhile, I maintained a cordial attitude with those who lived for pizza and beer. They had less concern for the care of the clients. My work performance was satisfactory, receiving a promotion just weeks after purchasing the Harley Davidson. Time off was given to me at my request to attend rock concerts, motorcycle rodeos, and even a firework celebration. Life was great. Not one time did I violate the new territory of my socially responsible resolve. But the group at the rodeos didn’t seem to approve of me enjoying the indulgence of their lifestyle from the joyful goodness of my soul. Before sacrificing the fruitfulness of my inner life, I sold the motorcycle as a symbol of terminating my affiliation with that way of life. I bought a brand new 2007 Ford Ranger. Thetermination of my employment resulted shortly thereafter in 2007. Failure this time began to bring the seven ways of failure along with the seven ways of success to my consciousness. Heading into new territory, the spirit of success with awareness of the cause of failure would ooze from my tongue while directing my behavior

The 2010 census results reclassified the city of my residence from a city to a village. Losing tax funding from the closure of the primary source of employment hit the city hard as well. Complicating financial woes, the ways of failure beseiged the County. Investigation into eight murders is underway in that County as I type these words. Not just murders, execution style murders. All eight victims were of the same family living in four different homes just miles apart. Drug related! The people murdered had a marijuana grow operation at each home. Possible shooters? No one is saying. Employment opportunities in the ways of success were scarce. Thefactory that closed was my source of employment, but I was gone several months before their failure. Corrupt perspectives along with drug use prevailed at the workplace. Hanging on to my transformation, in the full awareness of the ways of success, made it obvious why the factory was forced to close. Constructing kitchen cabinets for use in homes was my job. I knewthe importance of having a healthy attitude to build products that were safe and durable. Did anyone else?! Reading the newspaper, I would see the name of a coworker arrested for possessing illegal drugs, or some other legal violation. Compatible to that irresponsible social attitude their cabinet building left a lot to be desired. I knew they were operating according to the ways of failure as they undermined the steps of success. One day, a coworker asked if I had seen a certain worker. My response was, “Did you check the newspaper?” Who hired these employees anyway?! Certainly not someone embracing principles of success. Constantly, tit-for-tat was exchanged between me and the workers who were living to fail. Constructively, I refused to resign the territory of my transformation. Defiance towards the instruction of the foremen were routine, but not by me. Looking around me I sawunhealthy lifestyles, safety violations, social dysfunction, disrespect for authority, and pessimism towards willing workers. I said to myself, they are living a life of deadends, prayerfully grateful for the attitude of success within myself. Clearly, I saw the difference of the internal success that made me free, and the prison of unfruitful attitudes causing failure. The small light shining from me in that dark place was soon snuffed out from that assembly line. Light doesn’t fellowship with darkness. My awareness led me to a field where I could focus on health, safety, society, self-worth, and positive self-actualization.

Acceptance into the Nursing Assistance program reinforced what I knew about ways to fail and ways to succeed. Completing the course with a 4.0 GPA, plus passing the state exam, meant very little to me. From previous experience, I knew educational certificates and grade point averages had nothing to do with gainful employment. But the achievement transpiring in me was of supreme worth. Little did the instructing nurse knowthat I considered her class to be lectures on how to succeed. Nurturing the health of the body is the only way to succeed. She taught that inactivity equals death, but mobility is life. It’s so simple that an astonishingly amount of people miss that key principle of success. Destruction of the body through unhealthy practices prohibits our ability to endure. I’ve seen plenty of bodily devastation in my past. High risk lifestyles that tempt death, plus drug abuse brings ruin to anything we attempt to accomplish. We have to respect the human body if we plan to be successful. Caring for ourselves along with caring for others is to encourage safe practices and soliciting tender social involvement. When have I ever received this from external sources? I couldn’t recall, but, I felt all those positive intentions swarming in my mind and emotions. Knowing the principles of caring for flesh and blood, I also developed an awareness of malicious intent insidiously encouraging failure. Failure meant death of the internal transformation simultaneously with death of the body. Enduring in the mobility of positivity inwardly meant life, but fatality occurs when constructive sentiments stop moving. At this point, I earned a place on the state registry as a state tested nursing assistant. Entering the new territory came complete with the seven ways of failure and seven ways of success rooted firmly in my thought processes, emotions, and behavior. Three days before placement on the nurse aid registry, I had already secured a job with a medical staffing agency. Producing evidence of my registry status, the employer immediately began processing me in as a new employee. I would start work right away, or so I thought. A week or so went by without any job assignments, so I called to inquire about my inactivity. How odd it was to have a job that kept me sitting without working and without pay. The kind nurse-in-charge assured me the right assignment for my qualications would come along. Soon, I discovered what they felt were my qualifications. Assignments involved driving through blizzards for one, and confronting flooded roads for another. Most assignments were fifty to eighty miles from home, except one. The state health department closed it down. That’s because conditions were unsuitable for the residents in need of nursing care. I clearly saw the ways of failure leading to the closure. Mostly, there were unhealthy attitudes of frustration mixing with bitterness towards the residents. That led to various forms of neglect relating to unsanitary conditions. Valuing the ways of success, I persevered in a plesant demeanor in my attempt to improve their state of living. One person at a time was my method, but they really were difficult in their refusal to improve their own condition. My assignments were few and far between. Money earned was inadequate to pay for the gas necessary to cover assignments. Often I would reflect of the bigger paychecks in factories. Returning there would mean reverting back to the ways of failure. Faith plus perseverance kept me on a steady course in the effort to make a positive contribution to society. During this period I wrote my first book, “Values of a Spiritual Mind: 16 Essays for Living.” Without having to quit my present job at the staffing agency, I found employment thirty miles away as a home health aid. Between both jobs, I still could not earn enough money to pay monthly bills. At one point, the three nurses at the home health agency searched their purse to come up with money to provide me with gas. That gas would enable me to work that day. Again, I recalled the money made in factories, but refused to resort to the attitude of doing anything for money. I knewthat would lead to failure. Being successful meant the money I earned had to be a match to the transformation of my inner life. Soon, I would be informed by the management staff at the home health agency that they do not have enough work to keep me on the payroll. Meanwhile, assignments from the staffing agency quit coming in. What would I do now!?

Homeless but not without a home. I knew all good success would come from the new territory of my inner life. Home was built on the foundation of my transformation where I lived in hope and perseverance. External to that, I was financially spent with no way to pay rent. 10 years of living in my 10×55 house trailer was gone. There were no symptoms of failure manifesting from me. No hatred, no hostility, no gloom, no thought of ending anything. Those attitudes of failure would of made my situation worse. My focus was on entering this new territory with attitudes of success. I knew the importance of joy to maintain optimism. Love was important to avoid blaming others for my distress. Peace enabled me to maintain civility. Patience was essential to give time for better circumstances to transpire. The Veteran’s Administration took me under their wings for the months to come. From head to toe they did a complete evaluation of me physically, emotionally, and mentally. Before a month went by success was already knocking on the door. Employment came. The place of employment is everything the fruitfulness of my soul sought. Even as a church custodian. Praising the V.A.’s vocational team we celebrated together with joy, smiles, encouragement. During this period came my second book, “Fruit Amidst the Thorns: 40 Prized Essays.” Book number three came a few months into my employment, “Spiritual Evolution: From Flint Stones to Civil Tones.” One week ago came my fourth book, “Nursery Rhymes for Adult Spiritual Enrichment.

Awareness of the seven wayss to failure made it possible to live according to the seven ways of success. Life and death were on the line where attitudes of failure would mean death, but attitudes of success would grant continuance of life. From here is the start of the revelation of ways to fail plus ways to succeed.
Seven Ways of Failure
Number One Way of Failure Number one on the list of ways to fail is indifference to constructive attitudes. When you are “down and out,” or otherwise in a seemingly losing situation, blame others. Hate the ones doing better than yourself, especially those refusing to allow entry into the door of success. Disassociation from people with ultimate benefits contributes to failure. Be sure to add a dose of ill-intent toward those holding back everything deserved in life. Sentiments like that will ensure vindictive behavior is aimed at ones holding the key to your breakthrough. To finalize failure, be cruel to patronizing acts of charity. This guarantees severance between failure and success. Don’t just sit around sulking in the disparaging defeat, be unruly. Being unruly demonstrates clear ways to failure. Let hostility be directed at representatives of the establishment so they can keep
you locked away somewhere. Aggression with plenty of harsh attitudes mixing with doses of violence will seal your losing destination. Once destiny is sealed in failure put another nail in the coffin, discard hope along with inviting pessimism. Never allow thoughts to entertain the possibility of integrating with those who could make success possible. Let what you do clearly demonstrate evil intent towards the future of the society responsible for your failure. In that way, the promise of success is forever lost. Most importantly, failure is achieved by being impatient with hopeful ideas. Out of control behaviors along with verbal tantums are useful for warding off suggestions of improvement. Be unconsolable. Failure is finally achieved when intentions become fatal to self or others.

Number Two Way of Failure Number two on the list of ways to fail is to destroy the health of the body. Failure results in whatever we endeavor to do when physical, emotional, and mental health are undermined. Sabotage the creature comforts that soothes human existence to destabilize a healthy perspective. Anguish often comes in thought processes plus emotions when we want things now, upon demand. People who have what you want respond poorly to demands with ultimatums. Hitting that brick wall with impatience and out of control reactions will sour mental or emotional health to solicit failure. Don’t stop with sour attitudes, disregard the physical health of the body to expedite the ways of failure in the months to come. Afterall, a body incapable of functioning productively cannot be selected to perform in a productive environment. Forget about life-giving nutrition the body thrives on, indulge in junk to usher in physical failure. The fatal result is the final failure. Instead of water, over indulge in drinks known to be unhealthy along with causing severe consequences externally. Failing also requires consuming foods known to shorten life-spans, and doing so on an “all you can eat” perspective. Without a healthy body to wear to work failure is imminent. Fresh air? Not needed within the number two way to failure. Oxygen is for the successful only. For those planning to fail, destroy your lungs with smokes to incapacitate the ability of the brain to be enlivened. This will also
increase the chance of complete lung failure. Important to know that routine exhausation of the body, in the name of success, is a way to failure. The proper amount of restful sleep enables the body to restore its power cells. To fail, just run those batteries down routinely. Never give your body time to bask in the creature comforts that give you pleasure. Comfort invites success. Always put off toileting, eat with little hydration, and make eliminating as difficult as possible. Constipation will add stress to fuel more agitation to increase the possibility of failing. Overall, disallow the state of your inner life to blossom with fruitful feelings, that is how to fail. Envision the body to be the soil in a garden. To fail, feed the internal soil with thorns and insecticides, neglecting the nourishment of good seed that enable growth.

Number Three Way of Failure Number three on the list of ways to fail is to forget about the search for security. Security is a mechanism enabling a person to carry on another day. Discarding a need to be secure in society increases the chance of cutting your endeavors short. Instability ensures failure. When external situations become unstable, be sure to react from equally unstable internal attitudes. Failure will be sure to follow. Become full of conflict flowing with violence at those refusing to assist with stabilization, failure is in that way. Acts bringing harm to others or self quickly secures alienation from success. Especially in the home, a place of shelter from the outside elements, erratic aggression is despictable. Success will definitely flee from those who are hostile to family. Securing failure aligns with being harsh to sources of betrayal. Never allow internal feelings to be secure in compromise, be harsh until demands are met. While employers and other aspects of the established society detests harsh, rigid, demands, it will enable you to fail. Most importantly, failure means not attempting to regulate losing attitudes with internal checks and balances. Act spontaneously on agitation, anger, hostility, and frustration.

Number Four Way of Failure Number four on the list of ways to fail is to be hardened against social interaction. During times of difficulties, an anti-social attitude creates blockades against people who can eventually help. Mingling in a constructive way fosters success, so avoid this to fail. Instead, be the dam stopping the charitable rivers of success, blow away the rains of possibilities, plus disassociate from the ocean of civil cohesion. Follow haters who demonstrate intolerance towards the people they blame for social distress. Being calloused to some will eventually reveal the cruelty to everyone else, a sure way to fail. Ill intentions to the differences of others ostracizes a person from social graces. Being outside of a community of people who care for others is counter-productive. Intimacy is a sign of a functioning community. Abuse of that sensual intimacy quickly hardens a person against the qualities neccessary for integration. To fail, simply live by the hardness of hatred with cruel intentions to crimple social graces.

Number Five Way of Failure Number five on the list of ways to fail is to disparage other’s worth. Assume that you are much more valuable than others, then you have everyone else to blame for failure. From there, the blame can be put on God for the degrading circumstances forced to wallow in. Without a respect for others, interacting with irreverance towards a higher power, failure is imminent. Seeing the signs of success in competitors solicits specific inhumane actions to cause others to fail. Then it’s possible to show everyone else why disaster prevails, but you rule. Successfully degrading people is failure in the making. First, when you discover fruitful attitudes that are contrary to specific goals, stomp them out. This ensures sour grapes pile up around you. Then, be sure others do not live with tranquility if their ideas counteract your plans. In this way, there will always be the possibility of violence. Essential to failing by disparagement is to belittle the sanctity of life. Be willing to encourage competitors to live in ways that invite fatal consequences, if success is not the goal. As a reputation is known as being ruthless with malicious intent, failure will follow behind. Community cohesion, where success is found, does not happen by attacks on people that might be talented also. Humilty begins by succumbing to a higher power, but failure lives in those who must be that ultimate authority. Especially, convey all sorts of negative energy to incite despair in those who might be living in the optimism of their own plans. This gurantees being obligated to fight against a community that comes together by principles of equality and happiness. Disparagement of the worth of others will gurantee chasing away success. Setting self up as an ultimate power will ensure arrogance in opposition to God to seal destiny in the ways of failure.

Number Six Wayof Failure Number six on the list of ways to fail is choose to be miserable. Do not attempt to identify with optimism, that breeds success. Let all sorts of pessimism flow from the mouth to guide behavior, this ensures failure. Expression of gloom, doom, and misery will isolate a person from the people who are optimistic for the success of goals. Severance from those identifying with success in the days to come will guarantee exclusion from a positive future. Failure is rooted in a dismal perspective of future events. Pessimism, despair, hopelessness, evilness, sadness, and overall negativity are barriers to succeeding. Perpetuating failure when “down and out” happens by expressing self as an identity brutal to constructive stimulation. Be aggressively demanding on those who might have something to offer. Exclusion will come when others discover force is utilized in preference to mutual benefits. Always express self as the “big wheel” compared to the nominal contributions of being average. Blockades to success will follow the lack of a team orientation. Indulge in extreme behavior that brings ruin to self, others, and successful infrastructures. Failure comes by running rampant over the faith, joy, and goodness that future oriented people should perceive in a person. Overall, let all that is said and done be associated with an identity that is pessimistic about what will be. Success will never be in sour expectations.

Number Seven Way of Failure Number seven on the list of ways to fail is to interrupt the cycle of success. Tools for disrupting success comprise denial, anger, depression, one-sided bargaining, and non-acceptance. Deny that circumstances can improve afterexperiencing unbearable circumstances. Surely, this keeps a person in an impossible rut. Anger will compliment the denial by demonstrating temper tantrums at offers of success that offend the ego. Humility is non-essential in ways leading to failure. Instead of humility, let depression deflate the ability to see the sunshine in the humblest of tasks. This will guarantee never being happy with the initial steps leading to a rebound. Mutual benefits are of minimal importance when disrupting success. In this light, make every interaction onesided to solicit a win at the peril of another, failure will follow. Because nonacceptance of humility’s rewards will interrupt the cycle of success, never accept less than what life has cheated you from experiencing.Foster negativity towards those who have what you want, to interrupt success. Do that by joining a population of people who thrive in the ways of failure. Adopt their attitudes to manifest with words along with behaviors that undermine successful ways. Disrupting hope for self-improvement comes by saying and doing things that are hateful, creates friction, incites depair, and invites fatality. Let rejection lead to failure by being vindictive towards those who claim to have power over destiny. Transfer all negative energy in a way that undermines goodwill, peace, joy, and perseverance. Directly attack positive qualities to to ensure building a wall to constructive social involvement. Failure will then thrive. Indirectly, cause social dysfunction by teaching others to live according to the ways of failure. Reservoirs of these attitudes will interrupt the cycle of success.Failure comes through the portal of a wounded ego that feels rejected by the society offering nothing for success. Some will feel rejected when seeking health care, belittled in their insecurities, disparaged within social groups, scorned in their dependence on a higher power, and dowsed with negativity. In this case, become a one man wrecking ball against health agencies, be vindictive against those who serve to protect, disrupt community events, curse God, and spread despair wherever you can. Success will flee when those recommendations are followed.Susceptibility to interrupting success comes by rejecting the internal qualities that enhance the possibility of success. Welcome blindness to the attitudes that enable healthy attitudes. This ensures destruction of the body will transpire before you know better. Believe that hostility is the way to a better path, in that darkness is failure. Remain ignorant to the consequences of social disdain so that cohesion never enters into behavioral responses. Close the eyes to the possibility of a higher power to maintain narcissistic ways. Convince yourself that negativity will produce desired results. Being susceptible to the ways of failure is as simple as rejecting hope when experiencing difficult situations.

Seven Ways of Success
Number One Way of Success Number one on the list of ways to success is to respect constructive feelings. Whatever hardships come realize that inner attitudes determine future actions. External difficulties will pass as internal determination persists. Conquering the attitudes of hate, conflict, despair, and fatal actions position us in the ways of success. Love comes in many forms to enable success within society. Various compositions of love motivates the peacemaker hidden inside. Finding peaceable qualities breeds interaction in networks desiring to succeed in life. Faith is a derivative of love compelling our belief that society is full of wellintended people. People with good intentions walk in the ways of success. Perseverance can only be found in love because this is the force fueling our ability to endure in noble endeavors. What would perseverance in hatred be? It would be failure. The attitude of goodwill is also an ingredient that conquers inner distress to enhance the ability to succeed. Possessing the will to be charitable in our sentiments provides social graces. Success is found in grace. Without goodwill, meekness would be nothing more than a wolf in sheep clothing devoring society. Walking in the way of success brings meekness together with goodwill to foster mutual benefits. Success does not impose itself on those who reject it, instead it presents beneficial results to willingparticipants. Being a cheerful contributor is all about combining joy with goodwill. Making positive contributions is in the ways of success. Imagine what goodwill with pessimism would be?! Somebody with an angry attitude saying, “you’re gonna get it!” A sure way to fail. Continue on one step at a time in adding constructively to the civil society. Eventually the reward of positive feedback will manifest. Patience along with goodwill inspires that motivation. Success is there. Ill intentions in the angry words, “I’ll give you till tomorrow to give me what I want,” are words rooted in impatience with minimal goodwill. Kindness is more than a quailty of philanthropists or those referred to as Saints. Being kind enables success. Kindness mixes with gentleness to endow others with a constructive reason to enable a person to succeed. This is akin to providing positive reinforcement to the people who are enablers of the ways of success. Living life with a harsh attitude amidst residual amounts of kindness leads to failure. This results in chasing away return benefits while harshly giving others “what they’re asking for.” Goodness in a kind way is to provide bread to those asking for bread. Success requires meeting the expectations of requests. Evil mixes with kindness to produce failure. Giving a person a stone when they ask for bread is evil, even though an offering was made. Kindness also comprises self-control in making provisions. Success is to give in the right measure to solicit approval of enablers. Giving a one page job resume will meet expectations, but submitting twenty pages is extreme to the extent of failing. The planting of a mustard seed in good soil grows into a large tree, but many seeds planted in hardened soil is fruitless.

Number Two Way of Success Number two on the list of ways of success is to care for the body. All the desires felt inwardly are put in motion by the body. Mental processes, emotional sentiments, as well as physical health are embodied within the flesh. A healthy body mobilizes success. Ways of success require us to make an effort to fulfill the needs of the body constructively. Good stewardship over flesh and blood makes us good stewards in day to day endeavors. Drinking to hydrate the body enhances health while enhancing the possibility of success. Drinking alcohol excessively destroys the body plus is a barrier to achievement. Eating is for the purpose of acquiring nutrition to maintain physical functioning. Mental processes are part of that functioning, which eventually affects attitudes flowing from emotions. Success is in our eating habits the same as feeding a plant in a garden. Excessively and routinely eating junk food is the same as causing root rot in a plant. Oxygen lives in our blood to carry life to every tissue of the body. Fresh air enlivens the brain along with every other bodily organ to enable success in every area of life. Filling the lungs with pollutants is a sign of poor stewardship while simultaneously robbing us of a more fruitful life. Sleep overcomes exhaustion to revitalize the body. Recharging physical energy enable us to mobilize our desires into the ways of success. Working excessively to “get ahead” is a short-cut to failure while producing short-term success. Sustaining life is the impetus in every successful endeavor. Elimination of bodily waste is essential to succeeding. Eating improperly causes the body to store unneeded resources. Similar to a hoarder who accumulates so many items that there is no mobility to successfully accomplish a task. Toxins within the body are waste that cause the body to run sluggishly. That impedes success the same as clutter impedes the functioning of a computer. In this light, it’s quite obvious that a healthy body is along the way to success. Since we know this, perseverance in every successful endeavor requires self-control along with patience. Patience is required to keep us from trying to rush into success. Impatience ruins the body by exhaustion. Self-control keeps fleshly indulgence in moderation to preserve physical qualities. Hope for future success is discovered in moderation.

Number Three Way of Success Number three on the list of the ways of success is to live safely. Protecting the body from hostile influences is rooted in the attitude of safety. Succeeding comes by the wholeness of the body, bodily destruction is rooted in failure. Frustration plus anger will lead to conflict with potential violence. When undesirable results happen in life, solicit tranquility. That leads to success. Where do fist fights, knife fights, gun fights, and other hostilities lead to? Failure. The way to success is not discovered in vindictive actions toward the cause of misfortune. Vengeance results in further reasons for opponents to be exclusionary. Succeeding requires discovery of peace from within. Certainly, competitors will attempt to exasperate patience to incite the types of behavior not suited for a civil society. They invoke reactions to solicit failure. Holding our peace demonstrates successful attitudes. Domestic abuse is a major detour from the road to success. Temper tantrums in the home leads to physical aggression against children along with the spouse. People tend to be taught to be unforgiving about violence to women and children. Attempting to convince others that loved ones should be ruled by force is a losing proposition. Meekness is what success is made of. Humility enables perseverance in serene qualities to foster the ways of success in the home. Divorce can be found on the road to succeeding if that divorce results in the meek and gentle spirit of peace. Ways of success separate us from mental, emotional, as well as behavioral instability. Stability from a lifestyle that is gentle to us breeds achievement. Gentle ways are rooted in the spirit, not earthly possessions, so comfort is always with us. Possessing a meek and gentle spirit of peace when we are “down and out” multiplies the potential for succeeding. Safety plus security corresponds to peaceable interactions when sour grapes are our portion.

Number Four Way of Success Number four on the list of the ways of success is to maintain compassion for society. Civil success is the only success. Indifference to a social purpose is a self-imposed exclusion. Tender attitudes keep the potential of success alive. A willingness to connect constructively arises from the softness of inner life. A strong person succeeds socially when good intentions prevail amidst malicious exclusion. Achievement always follows positive interaction. Tolerance keeps the door open to the possibility of succeeding in new and unfamiliar realms. Desiring to establish a constructive place of belonging secures our motivation to succeed. Intimacy fosters all the necessary qualities of success by endearing cohesion. Achieving requires favorable benefits for all involved. Kind people, even in a destitute state of living, make contributions to other’s welfare. Life is in love and love respects life. That positive attitude is in the way of success. Acceptance of charitable deeds places the giver in a position to succeed. But to refuse kind offerings is the path to failure through social disintegration. Respect for the life of all human beings increases the size of the population in which to discover success. Persevering in the desire to live harmoniously is rooted in the attitude of love, kindness, and goodwill. In the spirit of compassion for all people exist successful intent.

Number Five Way of Success Number five on the list of the ways of success is to believe in other’s worth. But never minimalize self-worth. Believe in a higher power that equalizes existence. Humility fosters integration leading to success. A willingness to honor the fruitfulness in people’s ideas, intuition, and creativity is in the ways of success. Esteem goodness, whereever it is, because that leads to a tranquil life of peace with qualities that achieve. Humility acknowledges the precious value of all life, so respect the sanctity of all life. Succeeding requires the perpetuation of existence. Assume that a little bit of God lives in every individual, then honor that bit of the person. That mustard seed of faith enhances the possibility of much larger achievement. Positive energy is a reservoir and breeding place for all successful motivation. Be joyful in all circumstances. Optimism flows from joy and is the only attitude that can bring you from destitution to revitalization.

Number Six Wayof Success Number six on the list of the ways of success is to self-actualize constructively. Identify with positive energy then let self-expression manifest. Achievement comes when our words and deeds communicates faith in the established powers. Expressing pessimism towards those who hold our fate in their hands is selfdestructive. Let the metabolism of our inner life generate optimism referring to the goodness of a civil environment. A positive attitude for the potential of good results maximizes perseverance. Perseverance is essential to lead us through difficult terrain. Identifying with positive energy draws us to constructive possibilities. This is the process of self-actualizing in the ways of success. Embracing beliefs that produce joy, goodness, and faith establishes optimism. Looking constructively to the future grants the ability to self-actualize as a contributor of successful ways. A plant is self-actualizing when growing in the direction of the sun. Likewise, a person self-actualizes when growing in the direction of light and optimism. The ways of success calls us to identify with the light within positive energy. A plant identifies with nutrient rich soil, water, warmth, and light to grow strong. Words and deeds reveal the attitudes we associate with, which determines the direction of our growth. Negativity associates with failure but positive energy aligns with success.

Number Seven Way of Success Number seven on the list of ways to success is to interrupt the cycle of failure. Acknowledge the constructive processes of inner life when external success is denied. This disrupts the terminating presence of failure. Do not count yourself out. Allow optimism to be a daily practice to break the cycle of angry frustration. Assume that one day the bridges not burned will be crossed into a better life. Tranquility overcomes destructive patterns to interrupt the cycle of failure. Be willing to compromise because bargaining enhances the probability of achieving. Rigid standards embrace failure, but flexibility is in the ways of success. Do not compromise the ways of success in exchange for the ways of failure. Accept the idea that success leading to a constructive life is not the same as achievement in external prosperity. A constructive lifestyle disrupts failure, but greed for material things impedes success. People we form alliances with develop into social networks in which we live and grow. Is that reservoir of fellowship contributing to the ways of success or failure? Interrupting the cycle of failure is to align behavior to be compabtible to constructive group behavior. Attitudes forming in our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and behavior reveal the influence of alliances. When bodily deterioration goes unchecked along with negative sentiments we need to disrupt that cycle. Changing the words we speak and the deeds we do breaks us apart from a previous mold. Speaking encoragement for physical health while maintaining optimism disrupts the cycle of degeneration. The ways of success begins by associating fruitful inner attitudes with constructive external integration. Interrupting the ways of failure inspires success directly plus indirectly. Direct inspiration of success transpires inwardly. Believing that tomorrow holds the probabilty of improvement directly impacts the transformation of life today. Belief in something better saves us from succumbing to ways that ruin positive energy. Indirect disruption of failure comes as others notice the success that constructive attitudes has over negative influences. Undeniably, when associates see the light of unwavering faith in goodness their attitudes and behavior will change. When negative influences become hostile to positive transformation then constructive social circles will notice. Enduring strife from naysayers puts a person on the road of successful ways. Interrupting the ways of failure transpires by reconsidering the source of selfworth relating to social belonging. Belonging with people that are destructive is demeaning to our value. Disrupting failure is to discover esteem in constructive ways hoping to bond with socially oriented networks. Success follows humility where the source of esteem is rooted in compassion, tranquility, hope, and the ability to endure. A sense of self-worth through constructive sentiments wards off disparaging opposition. Perseverance in humility puts wings on our aspiration for greater social involvement.
Disrupting failure comes as we diminish the behavior that is susceptible to negative consequences. Success is living in the light of human need while extinguishing vulnerabilities. Failure feeds on the vulnerability of the flesh, but achievement nurtures the body. Succeeding requires strength in caring for the welfare of the body, being mindful of safe endeavors, being favorble to established society, believing in a higher power, and communicating positive energy. Vulnerabilities of the flesh indulges in gratification to the point of bodily destruction, engages in violent tantrums, hates society, is indifferent to a higher power, and communicates with pessimism.

Epilogue From high school to seminary school to paratrooper school to lessons learned in civilian life, principles of failure and success are constant. The seven ways of failure and seven ways of success corresponds to internal attitudes. Destructive inner attitudes will bring destruction to external endeavors, but constructive attitudes facilitates external success. We need to care for the health of inner life by an inner regulatory system that fosters the desire for living. Without fruitful sentiments, there is a lack of function to control negative impulses relating to our existence. Those who reverence the qualities associated with a higher power are usually humble to foster a humane purpose. Disrespect for authority is a source of failure. An essential element to achievement is stimulating optimism within distressful circumstances. Failure comes about because of despair leading to terminal decisions to quit. Failue is never the end because success is waiting in new territory. Eventually, with a positive attitude, we will discover the new territory within the transformation of our soul.

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